From a failed relationship, to a “better” 1: PART 2.

As promised, I said I’d post part 2 today. So, lets cut to the chase.

THE RELATIONSHIP.  

Y’all have gone through the dating stage, everything has fallen into place how it should and you are now officially boyfriend and girlfriend.

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As someone who is single, and had a few “failed” relationships (although lets be honest it isn’t exactly a failure if you learnt something from them), it’s so easy to know and list a few things that cause relationships to fall apart.

Allow me to list a few, and state how they can be solved.

COMMUNICATION

The title of “relationship” has now been nailed above your heads, and either you or your partner thinks that you can now become lazy. Phone calls become a thing of the past, and you now rely on text messaging/whatsapp. At times y’all can go a few days without talking to one another.

You see, the problem isn’t getting into a relationship (In my opinion anyone can enter a relationship, it’s really not that hard), but the issue is how to stay being HAPPY in a relationship. People get into relationships and don’t put in the work that they originally put into securing their partner.

Communication is the MAJOR KEY to ANY relationship. If there is rubbish communication all that work that you put in during the dating stage would have all been in vain (unless you knew you wouldn’t get sex unless you were in a relationship with your partner, which to be quite frank makes you rather pathetic).

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I believe that when you are in a relationship, y’all should communicate everyday. It doesn’t have to be 4 hour long conversations, but even a quick 5-minute conversation in order to find out that your partner is ok, doesn’t cause any harm.

There is nothing wrong with messaging each other during the day either, however, when the main % of your communication is via text/Whatsapp, I personally do not think that that is good enough. We all make time to communicate with people that we sincerely care about, so if you aren’t making time to properly communicate with your partner then you’ve got to ask yourself if you really give a damn about them.

I mean with all the technology that we have today, and all these fancy apps (FaceTime, Skype, Viber, IMO, Snapchat calls) there is really zero excuse to not be able to communicate with your partner.

DON’T BE A PUSH OVER

To be honest, I should have actually added this part in the previous post.

During the dating stage, you sailed through it being yourself. You were not afraid to voice your opinions and stay true to yourself (in a respectful way of course), whilst also getting to know your now partner. Due to the fact that you would have made it known about what you would/wouldn’t tolerate, this will not become a surprise to your partner when y’all officially enter a relationship.

Nevertheless, just because you have now stamped a title on your relationship, it doesn’t mean that you should allow your partner to walk all over you, when you fully know that what they are doing is not right.

For example, if you have an issue with something that your partner is doing/done, be direct and inform them about how you feel. Do not stay quiet and act like you are ok, only to then bring it up when they do another thing that irritates you. They were not aware that the previous thing bothered you, as you had not discussed your issue with them.

RELOADING PREVIOUS ISSUES.

Your partner has done you wrong. They have apologized and you have accepted their apology. Splendid!

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Do not be an idiot and then bring it up, when something else occurs which is completely unrelated to the previous wrongdoing. My friend, you accepted that apology, meaning that you had forgiven them, so why are you now dragging it back up?? That shows that you are clearly harboring some ill feelings and you will continue to bring it up until thy kingdom come. Let it go, before your partner lets you go.

COMPROMISE

It seems like common sense, to say that you cannot be selfish when you are in a relationship. All those things that you could freely do without having to consider anyone else when you were single, is now a thing of the past.

Compromising can even be on small things such as agreeing to watch a TV show with her whilst football is on, and watch MOTD (Match Of The Day), later on in the evening. If you fully know that there is a way to keep your partner happy, whilst also keeping yourself happy, then why not do so?

KEEPING THE SPARK GOING

I’ve often heard people say that the first 2-3 months of a relationship is the “Honeymoon period”. After this time, y’all just become used to each other, and unfortunately for some folks they settle into an everyday routine with their partners. To be honest with you, as a singleton, that sounds boring. I would hate to have a repetitive routine with my partner.

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“Keeping the spark going”, is simply avoiding falling into a boring routine with your partner. Add some surprise to your relationship.

Our generation is lucky enough to have this thing called the Internet at our fingertips. Why not research on some cheap/reasonable deals at a restaurant that you both haven’t previously been to? Why not book a quick weekend break? Maybe a spontaneous impromptu picnic if the weather is nice? Show up at your partners work place after work with some Cinema tickets? It does not matter how big or small the gesture, the fact that you’ve made an effort to do something different than usual, for your partner, will be appreciated.

As for the bedroom department, I’m definitely not the right person to give any advice, however, with the use of various sex stores and the Internet, I’m sure you’ll find various ways for y’all to add some excitement to your sex lives. The other day I came across a picture online of “Cookie Dough Lube”, clearly y’all are really enjoying!

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CONCLUSION

When it comes to relationships, a lot can be said about the do’s and don’ts. I think that over all respect, understanding, love and communication is key to any relationship. Effort needs to be given from both parties. I believe that it is important to make your partner feel important and valued. Your partner should also be your best friend. They should be the person that you can be your absolute self around, and someone who you can talk to about anything.

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There’s a phrase that an ex of mine used to always use: “ALL or NOTHING”. Although in the end he gave me nothing, that phrase is basically what defines if a relationship will work or not. If you give your partner/relationship your all, and that person is compatible with you, then it shall be well, but if you become slack with how you treat them, then….. you know the rest.

Relationships are not this fairytale image that some people hold. There are ups and downs, smiles and frowns, but how you both overcome situations TOGETHER is what really matters.

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