Love Of Convenience

screenshot_2016-10-14-20-49-24-1You see this tweet?

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I’ve seen various people (for whatever reason), discussing about whether or not loving someone is an “emotion” or a “decision”. I had told myself that I would not get involved in such discussions/debates on twitter, however after seeing the above tweet, and thinking about a past experience, I realised that it fell hand-in-hand.

I had always thought, assumed, and seen this thing called “love” as an indescribable, positive force/feeling to have towards an individual. I am not sure why. Maybe it is due to TV/film but, I had imagined love to be something that one had no control over. I guess something that you just stumble and fall into?

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Nevertheless, I have previously experienced this “emotion” or “decision” (look at it however you wish). I loved an individual (relationship wise) due to various reasons. If I were to list a few, it would be because of how they were towards me, how they made me feel and I felt that I could see something about them that no one else saw, not even themselves. This particular person was my 1st love. We met when we were teens, things did not work out, and as the universe would have it, later on down the line we rekindled our “love”.

The thing is, I popped back into this individuals life, during a low moment. A moment were looking back, he was vulnerable. I was probably 1 of the few people to show him love at that precise point in time. Anyway, forget the circumstances; let’s call him Joshua. Joshua was so certain that I had always been the “love of his life”. He acknowledged his previous mistakes, explained that at the time he was immature and scared of “love” and had basically “grown up”. Over time, he made it known that if God was to permit, and allow his circumstances to change; he would “make me the happiest woman on Earth”.

I won’t go into much detail, but even though circumstances with Joshua and I was not ideal, our bond was strong. I’m the type of person that if something feels right I will just go for it. After all, it is better to just go for it, than to sit around and ask yourself what if? I sincerely believed that he meant everything he said, however, with my brain still functioning I told myself “well, let’s wait and see…”. I was aware that during certain situations in your life, especially if you feel alone, you will most likely “fall in love” or think that you “love” the only person you have history with, who is now there to support you during gloomy times.

As time will have it, circumstances for Joshua changed. I was exceptionally happy for him, and prayed that everything would go in his favour.

A.N.D T.H.E.N H.I.S T.R.U.E C.H.A.R.A.C.T.E.R W.A.S. R.E.V.E.A.L.E.D

After spending so much time, discussing how important loyalty was to him, the following 4 months proved otherwise. He was loyal to everyone, but me. I now seemed to have no relevance in his life; because he was now surrounded by other loved ones. Instead of being the supportive, caring, loving partner that he previously appeared to be, he was now the complete opposite. So much so, he once told me “how he didn’t see how I would make it” in regards to chasing my dreams, and wanting to stay in Ghana for a while (he was also at the time living in Ghana).

To say that I was hurt at the time would be an understatement. I had chosen to previously go so hard for an individual that I loved and thought loved me back, only for him to now treat me like sh*t on his shoes. My calls wouldn’t be answered, my WhatsApp messages were now regularly ignored (even though I could see that he was online), and I would even be lucky if he was to even acknowledge my FaceTime calls.

I tried to exercise patience, in hope for a miraculous change. Let’s face it, I had prayed and asked the good Lord to give me a sign if this guy was truly for me, and God had given me plenty, YET I was still hanging on. For what? I guess at that time of my life, me allowing him to treat me how he did, said more about myself, than him. For, at this moment of my life I COULD NEVER ALLOW A MAN TO CONTINOUSLY DISRESPECT ME AND JUST HOPE FOR THE BEST, LIKE A LOT OF US WOMEN ARE CONDITIONED INTO BELIEVING THAT IF YOU DO SO, THEN IT MEANS THAT HE WILL EVENTUALLY SEE THAT YOU’RE A GOOD WOMAN & CHANGE. MTCHEW!

I eventually had enough, and thought to myself:

 

……………………………….……and I walked away from the whole situation.

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It was clear to see that his love for me was what I call “Love of Convenience”. This is when someone only loves you when it suits, or it benefits them. You see, Joshua only loved me, when no one else was there for him during an extremely low moment in his life. However, when this moment was no more, so was his love. I was willing, and I did love him during his low moments, as well as highs, but notice how during his high moments, he did not care about me.

So this discussion/debate on whether love is an “emotion” or “decision”, my experience alone has made me come to the following theory:

Love is a decision YOU MAKE, before PORTRAYING an emotion.

I made the decision to love him even when circumstances were not ideal. Based on this decision, I then naturally showed (via emotion) that I loved him by being there for him, in times of need. HOWEVER when life changed for the better for him, he decided to not love me anymore, and made it clear via his lack of emotions towards me.

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No truer words….

My experience has not made me reluctant to fall in love again. As this picture has stated, no relationship is a waste of time. There are always a lot of things to be taken from a “failed” relationship, and learnt from.

I never want to experience a Love of Convenience again. If you’re going to love me, you better love me no matter what. Keep it consistent.

When a relationship does not go your way, it is very easy to start feeling sorry for yourself, or becoming bitter towards the idea of another relationship, or even falling in love again, in the future. We are human, and holding such emotions are normal. However, what we must focus on is what we have learnt from such experiences. I believe that this will help us make better and wise decisions in the future.

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My love, SHOULD NOT AND WILL NOT be CONVENIENT for you.

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2 comments

  1. Love is a great builder of experience. I love how you talked about how we as women can be conditioned to accept crap – we don’t have to and we shouldn’t. Love out of convenience is a great way of phrasing it. Great post!

  2. Love is surely an experience builder. I love how you phrased this post – some of us have experienced this but you put it eloquently. I also enjoyed how you mentioned we as women are conditioned to accept crap – we don’t have to and we shouldn’t. Great post!

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