Joseph had been inside, for a while. For various reasons, I’d previously rejected invitations to visit him. I was at church, when the sudden urge to contact his boy & get a hold of his details, arose. Now, here I was, face to face with my troubled love.
As time went on, things progressed. I felt excited when I’d return home from work, to see that he had sent me another letter. Our phone conversations, made me feel like I was on a mini-holiday, away, from my reality. We had reconnected mentally, not physically, JUST LIKE BEFORE. That’s one of the things that I loved about us. We always had this indescribable bond, formed without sex. Proof that you can connect with someone on a deep level, without “entering them physically”. I made it a “must” to visit him at least twice a month. The journey was 2-3 hours long, but seeing his face, made it worth it.
I ended up being in a relationship, with a man, in prison. Only my close people knew. It wasn’t necessary for me to announce it. The thought of judgmental people weighing in on a man who they did not know, like how I did, wasn’t something I’d allow. I was with him for 7months, whilst he was inside. He eventually got deported to his place of origin. He insisted that we would somehow work out, but in the end, his loyalty no longer lied with me. It’s funny because before all of this took place, I used to say to my best friend “We will see his true character, when he is a free man. Until then, I’ll take anything he says, with a pinch of salt”. I was right. When he was surrounded by his family, and had an unlimited supply of freedom, “my love” and “energy”, wasn’t of any use to him.
I haven’t been seriously involved with anyone since then. I felt like it was important for me to fully get over the hurt, ALONE. I also noticed that I had lost myself during this period. Reconnecting with myself, establishing my self worth and loving myself, was/is far more important, than the thought of me diving into a new relationship with someone else, knowing full well that I wasn’t ready. I needed to work on re-building my mind/train of thought.
At this precise moment of my life, I believe that if you don’t fully love yourself, then how can you love someone else? When I had freshly came out of that situation, it hit me that I had become so in love with Joseph, that I had FORGOT to LOVE MYSELF.
I am now at peace with it all. If I had to do what I did for Joseph again, I’d do it all again. I NEEDED to experience IT ALL, in order to become the wise woman that I am today. I do not believe in regrets, because everything that I have done or didn’t do, is because at that precise moment in time, I wanted or did not want to do so. Life is about experiences, and without such experience (as crazy as it may be), how will we learn?
I am no longer in contact with Joseph, and I never plan to. I wish him all the best.
I’ve fully let go of all of the negative feelings, that i’ve had towards the negative experiences in regards to love/relationships. At this precise moment in time, I am open to coming across true love, whenever that may be.
DON’T allow previous hurt, to block you from eventually coming across someone that will ADD TO YOUR HAPPINESS. The Love Lounge isn’t always going to be a pretty ride, but there’s beauty within the journey.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY TO YOU!