When the past came calling, my instincts told me that I shouldn’t go there. He had done what he did to me, when I dated him as a teen, with no remorse. The pain & embarrassment had all of my emotions tangled up. I was certain that due to him, I had been put off for life, from liking or caring about any guy, how I did him.
“What did I do?” “Why did I think he would be fully interested in a silly – boring teen like myself”? “ I knew it was too good to be true” were a few of the questions that sprung into mind, when I discovered the truth, I mean, when I 1st discovered the truth over 10 years ago.
As years passed by, and I continued with my life, he made a return. To be honest with you, I’d be lying if I said that he had not attempted to make an appearance multiple times, however, I firmly rejected his advances. One of his attempts involved “stealing” my new number from his brothers’ phone (I was still “friends” with his brother at the time). I don’t think I had proceeded to block someone so quickly in my life. Yet, upon all of my firm refusals, this moment came. The moment when I allowed him to mind f*ck my thoughts.
Here he was, pleading and begging for me to “forgive” him, and allow us to be “friends”. I allowed him to express himself whilst holding the phone to my ear, looking like a brown version of the straight-faced emoji.
However, even with my annoyance, the fact still remained that I was listening to what he was saying. Now I had allowed myself to be molested by the “what if” thoughts. “I mean, people do change and at the time we were much younger”. Now I had started to mentally make excuses for him, knowing full well that whether we were much younger then or not, what he did was scummy, and he wasn’t even worthy of my “friendship”.
I decided to seek advice from a few people whom I regarded as nearest and dearest to me. One of them in particular, I knew would give me “proper – solid” advice, as they had always previously done so. This person in particular wowed me by urging me to give he another chance. I was flabbergasted. This person knew everything that went on between he and I, and was aware of what he did to me all those years ago. Yet, here I was, sat across this person whom I regarded as my world, telling me “everyone makes mistakes. He has probably changed by now. Try he and see”….
I’d be a fool if I were to say that it was this individuals’ encouragement that “made me” go back to he. If I were to be real to myself, deep down inside, I was very curious about giving he a try. This push that I was now receiving from outsiders, just made me feel less stupid about doing so.
Fast – forward, to precisely a year later, here I was, sitting on my bed, phone in my hand amused by the fact that he had removed me from his Facebook. I was now calling his phone continuously like a deranged woman, only for my calls to be ignored. I proceeded to send messages via his Facebook inbox, only to notice that he was indeed online and reading what was being sent to him. I cursed him. Yes, you read right, I cursed him and then blocked him on every social media outlet that I had him on, as well as my phone.
Let’s go back in time, to when he and I first dated. We broke up because after him behaving off key with me for weeks, he dumped me via text. Not only did he end things with me, but he also had the audacity to do so, using a bible verse (he was what y’all would call a “church boy”).
Upon questioning him as to why he was breaking up with me, and if I had done anything wrong (I was a naïve teen then so allow me) he gave me the “It’s not you, it’s me” speech.
Apparently, he was “going through some things that he did not want to drag me into”.
Anyway, upon doing some research, I discovered that he was cheating on me throughout our relationship. He was in fact dumping me, to fully commit to her. I remember seeing photos of them online, in France.
Now let’s fast-forward to the present time of this story.
He, had done what he did to me years ago, but EVEN WORSE! He had been cheating on me with MULTIPLE WOMEN. On the night when things had fully come into light, 1 of these women, had found my Instagram page, and proceeded to insult me, under a photo that I had uploaded of him. When I had a look on her page, she had many photos of him, with comments also from him, signifying that they were also a couple.
This was the same woman that I had questioned him about, some weeks ago. He had uploaded a photo with his arm around her, via Instagram. He said that they were just childhood friends. According to him, she moved to America and had just come for a visit. This was the story he gave me about this girl who he had never previously mentioned.
Unfortunately, the signs that I was being cheated on, multiple times, with various women, had been there for a while. Two examples that I can give are the following:
- Anytime we would go out somewhere, he would only upload a picture of himself at that location. At the time, I put it down to him just being a “private person”, however, his captions always signified that he was alone at the locations. On one occasion, I surprised him with tickets to an Arsenal match, for his birthday. We attended this game together, however, when uploading photos online, there was no mention of myself. Again, he created the illusion that he went alone. In my ideal world, even if you did not want to tag me to the picture, or upload a photo of the both of us, surely you’d write something like “thanks to my girl for this lovely surprise”?? Either way though, writing that, still would not have prevented him from cheating.
- 2 days after returning from holiday together, I received a message via Facebook, from a young lady. Without going too deep into it, she informed me that her and he had been together for a while. He had informed her that he was going away, but with his “boys”. After doing her “research” & spotting a review that I had written for our holiday destination, she put 2 and 2 together and reached out to me. Of course when I addressed him, he denied it, and claimed that she was an obsessive ex.
When his lies caught up with him, he did not care enough to even try and give me a flimsy excuse. Instead, he removed me from his Facebook and ignored my several attempts to contact him that night. After reining him with insults, I blocked him off of everywhere, and also out of my mind. As far as I was concerned I WAS NOT GOING TO DRAG THIS INTO THE FOLLOWING DAY! I DID NOT NEED ANY FORM OF “CLOSURE” FROM A LYING CHEATING SCUMBAG and nor was I going to entertain this silly woman that was attacking me via my Instagram (after telling her some home truths I blocked her too!) The fact that she was attempting to “fight” me online, over he, who was obviously also everyone else’s man was LAUGHABLE!
You would have thought that I’d have learnt from this experience, however, years later, I gave Joseph from (Love Lounge) another chance. I guess you could say, that at that specific moment in time, I was just focused on looking for the best in people. These 2 examples show that this is NOT always a good thing.
When the past comes calling, I now watch it ring out and, allow it to reach my voicemail (WITH NO INTENTION OF PLAYING IT!)
I sincerely believe that people can indeed change and learn from their previous wrongdoings. However, the woman that I have become, has allowed me to fully grasp that if someone did not see how amazing I am, when they were blessed with the chance to be apart of my life, they aren’t worth a second chance. I now find it exceptionally boring hearing about just how much someone valued me, yet, when they had their chance, they blew it away. In my opinion an ex (Or ex fling) didn’t make it to the final “cut” for a reason. When they hola (which they ALWAYS do) let it go to voicemail. The past never HAS ANYTHING NEW TO SAY.