The ideology that being single= to doom and gloom, NEEDS TO DIE! The same way that I believe that being in a relationship is a blessing, is the same way that being single, is also A BLESSING.
Being single, allows you to have a relationship with yourself, at your own pace, without having to worry about another party. It is your time to reflect and make changes to yourself and your life. I see being single as a wonderful opportunity to reconnect with yourself, learn how to truly love yourself, glo up, enjoy new life experiences and work on aspects on your life that you feel needs changing. These things are exceptionally vital, and are even more so, if you have just came out of a relationship, which made you feel like you lost yourself.
One thing that I have NEVER UNDERSTOOD, is when someone comes out of a relationship, uses their time to work on themselves, and because they are looking physically “better”, or have now found Christ, people chose to mock them. Over the years, I’ve seen hundreds of tweets, predominately from males, mocking women for turning to God after a break up. When is a better time to make positive changes to your life, than when God blesses you with extra knowledge to let you know that you NEED TO DO BETTER??
I’ve been single for a year. Within this year, I’ve used this time to get my feelings in check (I am going to do a separate post/vlog touching down on this). I realized that most (if not all) of my previous relationships have been problematic. What I mean by this is that I either entered them for the wrong reasons, OR I somehow ended up losing myself. I’ve used my time as a singleton to truly find who I am, self- love, self-confidence and working on allowing my mind to be freely strong and bold.
I previously had a fear that because I am not like everyone else (in terms of my views/opinions, my appearance, how I carry myself etc.) I’d never be able to come across someone who I’d feel would truly be suited to me. Due to this, I’ve ALWAYS ended up settling. Not everyone that I “settled” for was “bad”, but because they were “nice” it just wasn’t enough for me.
Being a “nice/good” guy or girl, isn’t going to automatically make a relationship work. You can be with a “nice” individual, but if they don’t have a sense of humour, challenge your thinking, help in your journey to becoming a better individual, you’re not physically attracted to them etc. Then their “niceness” isn’t going to prevent you from losing interest, and wanting to call it quits. Whilst we are on this topic of “niceness”, don’t allow your desperation of no longer wanting to remain single, drive you into the arms of someone who is “nice” but doesn’t tick any other of your boxes.
I often see references from people suggesting that going to a single person for advice is ridiculous. Let me tell you what is ridiculous, you assuming that a single person like myself cannot give you fantastic advice! You see here is a news flash for you, SINGLE PEOPLE HAVE HAD EXPERIENCE(S) WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP DEPARTMENT AND THEREFORE QUALIFY TO GIVE YOU ADVICE. Many people go wrong with this thinking because, they view themselves as being “better” than a single person, simply because of the fact that they are in a relationship. It’s like they completely forget that prior to their current relationship, they themselves were single, and were able to give advice.
What I will let you know, in regards to getting advice from someone who is single, is that there are 2 types of single people (actually probably more but I wanna focus on these 2):
- The single and comfortable alone individual:- This is the person who is internally happy with being single. They use this opportunity to do everything that I have previously explained in this post, and more. Seeing their friends in relationships, or other happy couples does not faze them, it in fact makes them happy. Due to this, when you go to them for advice, or to discuss a problem that you may be facing, they will try to give you the best possible advice, that will not dent your happiness.
- The single, unhappy, and desperately trying to find whoever that is willing to dive into a relationship with them:- I believe that this is self explanatory. This individual is uncomfortable with being single. They feel/see being single as being unhappy, lonely and unwanted. Due to this, they are affected by seeing their loves ones, in blossoming relationships. They envy what others have, and unfortunately if given the opportunity to sabotage a relationship, they would do so. They would prefer their friends to also be single like them, so that they will not feel so alone.
If you are the latter, you really need to work on yourself. There is more to life than being someone’s partner, and furthermore, in order to successfully become someone’s “other half”, you need to work on being the “right” person. Stop looking for the “right one”, make YOURSELF RIGHT.
I’ve seen/heard countless of stories of people remaining in abusive/damaging relationships, because they fear being single and alone. I understand that it is easy to talk about situations that I have never been in, however, it is infuriating to know. Do you know how sad/angry it makes me, to know that there are many people out there, willing to stay in awful relationships because of the “time” they’ve put in? Or because they “feel like they can’t do better?” Or “being single is too dead”? How do you no longer know your worth?
Let me tell you something, BEING SINGLE IS SO LIT. It’s the BEST TIME FOR YOU TO BE SELFISH AND TRULY DISCOVER YOURSELF. I’ve used this time to do so much, including stay in Ghana for half a year, and now I am planning my 1st solo trip. Of course I could have done this if I had a partner, but I HAVE THE FREEDOM OF NOT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT HOW ANOTHER PERSON IS GOING TO REACT IF I DECIDE THAT I WANNA STAY IN ANOTHER COUNTRY FOR A YEAR, OR IF I DECIDE THAT I WANNA DO SOMETHING THAT IS OUT OF THE ORDINARY!
Being single ISN’T A PROBLEM. How YOU SEE IT IS.