So the guy that you’ve had your eye on, has finally approached you, and asked for your number. You’re excited that a new potential has geared up the courage to want to get to know you. He has proven that he has a trait that you desire in your potential man. He is bold and knows what he wants. He can recognise from a mile away that you are “wifey” material. Smart man.
You both start to converse. Y’all appear to get on well. He is funny, smart, and seems caring. You’ve already started planning your baecation trips in your head. God has finally blessed you with this man who is more than compatible with you.
Fast-forward to a couple of weeks/months down the line, and Mr Perfect doesn’t appear to show any urgency in wanting to spend quality time with you. It’s all “I’m too busy”, or “I’m not sure if that’s going to work…” followed by multiple pathetic excuses. Why on earth is your new bae (in your mind anyway) not eager to want to be in your presence?
I mean, he clearly is interested in you because you both talk via phone all the time. You both message each other every minute of the day. You both have deep conversations about the meaning of life, and you smile yourself to sleep every night after hearing his voice. He messages you good morning, and wishes you a blessed day. This man discusses his family issues and offloads his work problems to you. He is your SOUL MATE, and yet, you are BEGGING TO PYHSICALLY BE IN HIS PRESENCE….
Queens, when are we going to stop doing this sh*t? When will we take something for what it really is, and stop sugar-coating things? When will we actually start to take men’s ACTIONS seriously, rather than dwell on the fairy tales that we tell ourselves in order to make ourselves feel better? A man does 1 thing right, and then we overlook the 101 things that he does wrong. We could potentially save ourselves from situationships if we would just take on board what a man is SHOWING US.
So, in this example that I have given, the man appears to be communicating with this lady frequently. However, when it comes to making time for them to hang out/go on dates, he doesn’t seem interested. Now, I’m no expert on dating/relationships, but 1 thing I do believe, is that we all make time for whom we want to make time for. If a man wants to be around you, it DOESN’T MATTER if he works 7 days a week, HE WILL MAKE TIME FOR YOU. You WON’T EVEN HAVE TO REPETITIVELY ASK HIM TO. If you feel that you are BEGGING SOMEONE FOR THEIR TIME, sis, DO BETTER.
On the whole, women make excuses for men who aren’t worthy, when these guys aren’t even their boyfriends. Common guy that you’re talking to, and you’re continuously allowing him to mug you off? If a guy CHOSES to NOT MAKE TIME FOR YOU in these early “getting to know each other stages”, why the f*ck is he even a potential bae? Do you really want to be bae’d up with someone who is a professional in being a lazy interest? Don’t know what a lazy interest is? Let me explain.
A lazy interest is someone who shows you half-hearted signs that they are “kinda” interested in you. They may do things like send you sweet messages during the day, but then not even bother to return your missed calls. They know that you’re so desperate for love, that you’ll continue to endure their bullsh*t, and so they basically mind-f*ck you. You will now start to base their “interest” on the few good things they have shown you, whilst flushing your common sense down the loo and overlooking the 1 million things that they do not do. A lazy interest, will turn into “LAZY LOVE”, if you do not nip that sh*t in the bud. There is nothing worse than someone giving you half-hearted signals. Well, actually I lied, what is worse, is you accepting such nonsense, because you do not value yourself.
It is so easy to fall into this basic basica trap. I’ve been there before. You’ll be on the phone to your girl with your basic mind-frame saying:
“But if he wasn’t into me, why would he…
We talk all the time and I know he is into me
Maybe he is scared to fall for me, I need to show him..”
Women have this tendency to feel like they have to prove themselves to ain’t sh*t guys. If a guy isn’t ready to settle down, he isn’t ready to settle down. OR LET’S BE FRANK HE SIMPLY DOES NOT WANT TO SETTLE DOWN WITH YOU!! Stop trying to go out of your way, or work out why this guy is behaving how he is. Hanging on to words and meaningless things, will set you up for heartache. Focus on ACTIONS and not just WORDS. He says he feels comfortable around you, yet he declines EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO LINK UP? Sis, that is self-explanatory. Keep him there as your phone buddy if necessary, but stop begging for his time.
There are plenty of guys out there that would give you all the time in the world that you deserve. Stop making excuses for him sis. Drop him.