You often hear about people comfort eating and think to yourself, “why would you turn to eating a lot of rubbish in order to make yourself feel good?” Most of the time, people that think this way have fortunately for them, never been in this position. In fact, nor had I until about a month ago. You see, normally when I’m feeling stressed/down, I am in fact known to either not eat at all, or irregularly.
Over a month ago, I lost my job after being continuously bullied at work by a new store manager ( Read post here: Black women CANNOT be bullied in the workplace). Although I initially felt free from that experience, I started to comfort eat. At first, it was innocent. I’d order takeaway here and there, but I noticed that I had an issue after I’d ordered takeaway from the same spot 3 times in 1 week! I’d spent close to £60! You see normally, I’m not someone that consumes a lot of junk food. I do enjoy going out to eat etc. but not on a regular basis. I in fact normally take pride in cooking healthy homemade meals, however recently; Delieveroo and Just Eat have become my best friends.
I would tell myself “girl you are wasting far too much money on this junk, and it’s even worse as you are currently unemployed”, but the feeling of satisfaction after consuming all those fish & chips, lobster rolls, desserts etc. Would feel totally worth it.
I’m naturally petite, and so looking at me; you wouldn’t know that this is what I have been going through. Throughout this period, I have still been going to the gym, but struggling to lay off my feel good takeaways. In fact, yesterday after gym, I had Fish & Chips. That feeling of satisfaction after finishing my food was fulfilled, but after I hid the evidence from loved ones (by throwing the box into our shared outdoor community bin) I felt ashamed of myself. How did I get to this stage? The thing is it makes me feel so bloated and yucky 30 minutes after, yet there is still some form of satisfaction, which cannot be explained.
As weird as this may sound, there is also satisfaction in knowing that I have money in my account to “treat” myself to these “luxuries”.
Nevertheless, after waking up this morning and really feeling my body telling me to “FIX UP!” I’m currently drinking my favourite Herbal Tea, accompanied by a plate of Satsuma’s. I have promised myself to lay off the junk food, and work on getting back to my old self.
I have been feeling quite low recently, in regards to my current circumstances and I’m sure this is what has driven me to comfort eat. I have also been pondering on whether or not it is a good idea for me to still go on my solo trip (Read post here: 1st Solo Trip – Booked!), which I have been planning for months. I’ve spoken to my girls about it and they have encouraged me to do so. The time out would be beneficial to me. It’d give me a chance to reflect and work out which direction I want to steer my life. Flights and accommodation have already been paid for, so I should really put these 3 nights to good use. I will use it as a time for me to recharge myself, away from familiar people.
I can’t lie, I at 1st felt a bit silly typing up this post, but now that I have, I feel free. The thing that we as humans forget is that, in order for you to overcome a problem, you first need to ADMIT THAT YOU HAVE ONE. I know that this issue is temporary, but now that I have OWNED my issue, I can nip it in the bud.